I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it's great music for shaving your balls
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
