Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
