watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
God, I missed his penis.
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