is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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