Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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