I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
