Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
