well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have fence marks all over my body
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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