At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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