normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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