i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think i have herpe
just one?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
