So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
