Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
