i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
