your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I touched a dick in church today
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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