Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
