as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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