so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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