oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
