I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
