thus making me awesome and them whores
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
