When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
