Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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