I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
