I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
