I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
