put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
