I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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