So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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