I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
