i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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