3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
