I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
