He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
