i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
