Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
