I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
