In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
