I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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