so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
