Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
