Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
