We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
