oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
