I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
