My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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