you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
