so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
