we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
