Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
