whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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