I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
