a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Mom said you looked used
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
