Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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